Online dating: what’s in it for you?

Online dating-heart key

You want to date, you want to have sex, you want a relationship (and some even in that order). I want you to know I empathize with you because on line dating can be something else in life to “overcome”. If you have been dating on line or are reconsidering it, please check out some advice I have for you before you begin again. If you feel you have failed at online dating, don’t worry, I’ll help.  Every ending has a new beginning.

Let’s begin here:

1) Choose a site that is credible (okcupid, match, chemistry, etc )

2) Before you even post anything, spend some time answering these questions and that will help guide you to answering them.

3) Decide if you will be fully honest. If you choose not to, you may want to follow my advice below.

4) Figure out if you like men, women or both. Don’t deny yourself the pleasure of accepting both in your life. It is okay. There are plenty of sites that cater to alternative lifestyles as well.

5) Take a personal inventory off line.

*highlight insecurities and patterns you might not have thought of before. Imagine learning yoga for the first time, you will probably not be able to stretch and maintain that pose because you have no practice. The same goes with dating. You don’t know until you know.

6) Ask yourself why am i doing this? Answer: because it pushes you to a) look at yourself, and b) make yourself available and c) figure out why you’re so amazing! (I’m serious here and for those with low self confidence, I have some good advice for you too! )

The Advantages of Dating Online

  1. Countless testimonials have exposed stories of genuine online chemistry and have ended in marriage and/or friendships.
  2. Many services have “flirting functionality” that allows users to make advances with minimum conversation thus avoiding unnecessary awkwardness
  3. Friend Finder, among others, makes geographical barriers fade away and can open a surprising world of travel, adventure, and learning to those interested in long distance friendships
  4. With only a few necessary resources, a computer, accessories, membership fees, you are ready, day or night, to enter the discreet and relaxed universe of cyber-dating.
  5. Sorting functions, profiles, search engines, pre-screening, and even personality tests (as those provided by eHarmony) deliver quantity, quality, and especially organization to your quest for the potentially perfect date or mate
  6. We’re all in it- together. On the cyberspace playing field, social class and gender barriers are often overcome by the fact that every player is in the same place, to play the same game. It’s a crowded field but the possibilities are limitless!
  7. You can avoid the fruitless, time-consuming, effort of having to find appropriate venues to meet other singles: smoky bars, single’s clubs, church socials, boring parties, etc.
  8. In the introductory stages, Instant Messaging (IM) and emails produce far fewer misread signals or anxiety than, for example, that first dinner date.
  9. “Parallel” dating, by email, instant messaging, or real-time audio or visual, with as few or as many people as you like, is par for the course.
  10. Embarrassing chance meetings with past lovers, inquisitive co-workers, other dates, etc. become a non-issue
  11. There is no shortage of variety! The spice of Lavalife, for example, includes three distinct dating communities: casual dating, serious relationships, or the more erotic “intimate encounters”!
  12. Eliminate the many expenses of offline dating, such as dinner, movies, drinks, etc, by discovering the fatal flaws of your acquaintances online, before meeting in-person
  13. E-conversations and online chatting tend to be more honest, frank, to the point, and involve less emotional risk, particularly when dealing with larger questions of compatibility.
  14. Whether you are on the giving or receiving end, rejection is much less messy, hurtful, or embarrassing when transacted online.
  15. Most dating services offer tools that allow for the safety of anonymity, the avoidance of unwanted contact, and do-it-yourself screening. Match.com, for example, tracks complaints, monitors member’s behavior, and deals swiftly with offenders.
  16. For example, no matter what, you have to answer the basic intro questions which makes you take a personal inventory (and for some, that might not ever happen). Then it pushes you to figure how you want to represent yourself, and lastly, it invites you to actually engage in a conversation (which is also a skilled behavior). Furthermore, you need to actually take action, i.e. go on the date!  (and that by the way, seems like a very challenging experience for most people lately who stay online for the majority of their day/nights/lives.17. When you date online, you must be there (show up) and that is because of two things. First, what is the point of doing it if you don’t connect? Secondly, because of the nature of instant messaging and online chatting, it’s hard to miss when someone has pinged you.  Online dating makes you answer questions, break the silence and go out on a limb to places you might have not gone before.
  17.  When you date online, you must be there (show up) and that is because of two things. First, what is the point of doing it if you don’t connect? Secondly, because of the nature of instant messaging and online chatting, it’s hard to miss when someone has pinged you.  Online dating makes you answer questions, break the silence and go out on a limb to places you might have not gone before.
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